yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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