My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
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I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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