this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
