I look better un-naked...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
