I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
