8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize