what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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