she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
