you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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