I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
