Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
