I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
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Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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