so that wasnt chicken after all
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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