ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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