True but thats because hes a fetus.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
