I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
