You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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