im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
