420 ftw
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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