Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You are a genius and a whore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
