I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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