Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
