coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
