Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
bring money and cleavage
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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