eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
