i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
