Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize