I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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