There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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