Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
