I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
