I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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