A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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