yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
