News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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