I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
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