Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
