Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
