I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
pray to the hookup gods
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
