I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
