Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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