So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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