She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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