____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
