Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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