the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
