when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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