i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
