forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
