Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
