He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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