just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
