I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Randomize
