its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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