we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
