i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
