for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
