So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
