My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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