My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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