Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
