Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
