You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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