Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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