3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Randomize
