even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
