Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
