if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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