I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
not ubering you a puppy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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