the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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