Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
