I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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