he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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