my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
