i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
