so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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