I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
