clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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