you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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