we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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